Watch Your Mouth.


As my trip nears I have had countless people tell me they would love to go away for a month and travel but they can’t. You might be sitting there with your own list of ‘I would love to but I can’ts’. What it is that you want to do will vary but that is not the interesting part, the interesting part is the I can’t. I can’t… Really?  

You can’t or you won’t?  Or you don’t actually want to, or you are scared, or it is not the right time, or it is not a priority, or you have other things you would rather do, or you are choosing not too, or you don’t know how? Or you have chosen another way?

Is it really that you can not, or could it be a myriad of other more honest reasons?

I encourage you to watch the use of the word can’t. You are hurting yourself when you speak like that. Your language in both a way into your deeper thoughts as well as a way of shaping your reality. It is both expressing and creating your world. Once you say it, it start to become real, it is an expression of what you think, as well as ingraining what you say as real, even if it is not. So, watch your words, they are intimately connected to your experience of life. They may give you insight into yourself. 

For me, I often speak in removed language. I write like that too, (now I let you in on it, you may start to notice it). I am more aware of it now, so I do it less but it still creeps in. For example, I spoke of Rene’s death as the accident for many months and sometimes still do. It keeps me at a distance from the more emotionally charged truth, from the intensity that come with saying death. 'The accident' is far less emotionally confronting language then Rene died. Often I will speak in broad terms to keep myself further from the emotion of the details. For example I will say, ‘the thing’ instead of using more descriptive words; ‘at the thing’, when I mean at Rene’s Celebration of Life.  And if I am being more honest, I chose those words because I could not use the words wake or funeral… I just did it again, ‘those words’, as opposed to typing the Celebration of Life. See it is sublet but if we are listening and aware, our words are a direct reflection of how we are experiencing life.

I have dissociative tendencies and I  gravitate towards creating distance from me and anything that I perceive as a threat. I am like this in all areas of my life and my language is simply an expression of that. I am now working on it, trying to linger longer in any situation I previously would have run from, be it an actual interaction or a thought, a feeling, or an experience. I am also working on using more clear and direct language, all in effort to stay connected to what is true.

As I get closer to leaving for a month in Australia I have had countless people say to me some version of, ‘I wish I could do that as well, but I can’t.’ The interesting thing is that this sentiment is coming from more affluent people, from people who have the literal means to make it happen.  Now, I believe anyone can create any life they want, but just for now let's say that it is easier to take this trip if you are not living paycheck to paycheck. However, many world travelers are living paycheck to paycheck and on those hard earned dollars they are jet setting. So here is my point, I can’t is bullshit.

It is your way of speaking in less emotionally charged language, making it less confronting for you. It is a lie, but a lie that is easy to say and one that few will call you out on. You may not even notice it yourself, you may in the moment think that you really ‘can’t’. However can’t is the more removed, larger sweeping word for the emotionally charged truth. Maybe for you it is, ‘I would love to but it is not the right time for me, or I would rather put my energy on growing my business, or I would love to but not as much as I want to… Finish that sentence and you will see your priorities. The truth will be empowering, it may take more work to sort out than an easy I can’t, but the I can’t is messing with you.

You can do anything, so if you are not doing what you would really love to, check in with that. Why not? But also check in with what you say you would ‘love to do’. Sometimes I hear people say they would love to take this sort of trip and the words haven't even finished spilling from their lips and I know they are a lie. A well intended thing to say, but no part of them really wants to do this. Be careful with things like that. It is great to be genuinely excited for someone to be doing something and at the same time recognize that it is not for you. If that is the case don’t lie and say you wish you could do it, unless it is followed by, but I don’t want to. Own what is real for you, it will empower you to do as you need, and give them freedom to do as they do. I am not special in my ability to go travel, you don’t think I have all the same excuses, just dressed up differently, as you do?

Could I too find a bunch of reasons why I ‘can’t’ go on this trip? Hell yes! Are all those reasons smaller than my desire to learn who I am through travel, yes. It is just like that, if you want it bad enough the reasons not to will fall away. Know what it is you really want and then look deeper at your ‘I can’ts’,  they are covers for something that is harder for you to say. They are masking the true reasons you are not doing, having, or living the life you would love to be. ~with all my love