A Little Update on Ollie

Babes a little update on Ollie. I think she is settling into our new routines; I'm not. I try to be great for her. I still get up and take her to play every morning like I always did. Sleeping in the living room and usually going in my PJ’s not much of the morning routine is what it was. Mostly it goes OK, but sometimes the boys are outside getting the work trucks and equipment for the day. I really love them, but all I can see is you are missing. You'd be out there making jokes, smiling, giving them a hard time, and listening the plights of young single life. We loved their stories, reminding us of a time in our lives that seem so far in our past but that we, OK mostly me, looked back at fondly. You'd call those times the dark ages, when we were on and off and all over the place, always loving each other but not always a couple. Anyways,  I see them and I want you. I want you to come on my morning walk with Ollie. I am still just as silly with her as before, mostly I fake the excitement for her, but somewhere along the way it starts to be genuine. She is funny and sweet and from time-to-time she really makes me smile and laugh. I am sad that she doesn't have you to play rough and wrestle with. I think she is getting used to not getting to play like that anymore. I just can't play as rough as you did. I loved watching you two, you were so good to her. Total disregard for how crazy we looked to others, just to make her happy. You were a fool for her, for me too, you’d do anything to make our day. She gets lots of hikes right now. It's how I spend much of my time. Being outside in nature, alone, quiet, just me, Ollie, and music is what we do. So much so that a few times I have taken her to the upper part of Mission Creek and she just sits at the entrance. She refuses to walk, I think she finds it boring there, since there are so many people and she has to behave.  I go without her sometimes but the river is really hard for me to walk by. It pains my whole body. If I have Ollie I am nervous for her to get close, even though the edges are shallow and she used to always get drinks there. Now I can feel the fear build in me. I try to be cool with her but mostly I just won't let her go near it.

I am so deeply pained that you experienced that.

I know she hasn’t  forgotten about you and I know if you walked through the door it would be the best day of her life. The best day of our lives.  Like when we would get back from vacations where she'd been looked after by my parents, but a million times better.

She is helping me heal and I am so grateful to you for her. She is such a great dog and that is mostly your doing. I said I would be such a hard ass when we were talking about getting her. I talked a big game about training, but those puppy eyes got me and I sucked at disciplining her. You gave her all your love and she adores you, also you were strict with her and she learned well. She worshiped you; you were her leader, best friend, and playmate. She is a gift from you to me. You didn't know the love of a pet and I had to fight hard to get her. But on the drive home with this 8 lbs puppy on your chest, she fell asleep and you fell in love. We were a precious family. We still are, thank you for her. Babes I sit at the lake writing you, missing you, and Ollie's playing her rock game.

With all our love.