I Miss You.

Babes, I just miss you. I miss you so much. I can’t wrap my head around this. I still choose you.  I know you still would choose me. My higher self can take this and absorb the  lessons, and in the day I am doing OK but the evenings, and mid days, and well really at random; I miss you with every part of me.

All of me misses you. It would be different if we broke up, if I could learn from this. If I had made mistakes or you just changed your mind. If we ended it.  But you didn’t and I didn’t and while there are lessons I am learning, they are not mine. They are in the way of the world, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

I miss my best friend. There is so much I want to tell you, things that only you would find funny or be excited about. Now that I am writing you I wonder if this will ever go away. Part of me doesn’t want it to, how could I ever not miss you? But at the same time, how can I live like this?

I find myself wondering, if this was the other way, how would you be? What would you be like right now if I had been in an accident and not you? I have no idea how you’d be. Well, honestly I think you would be strugling, you were so strong, but you really loved me.  We never worked through this, how should I be if you are taken from me scenario.

I can’t even believe it, I miss you.

I am loving you