Learning from the Moments.
The battle of becoming who we want to be. The struggle between temptation of what we want now and who we want to be, who we believe we are meant to be. It is easy to ‘do the right thing’ when the right thing aligns with what we want, but what about when what is begging us in the moment is pulling us far away from who we believe we are? When what we want in a moment pulls us away from who we know we can be, but still feels like the only thing worth doing at the time? When the wrong thing feels like the right thing?
In that space we get to grow up. That is how we shape our lives and refine ourselves. It’s not always fun, and definitely not easy.
But worse is the feeling of living out of integrity. O that feeling, you know that feeling? Maybe you have bent the truth or what you stand for, a little or maybe a lot. In the moment it may feel worth it, but the haunting comes and you cannot escape it.
We try, we try by asking the people we know who will let us off the hook. And we phrase it just so, in hopes that they will agree with the lie we are telling; ourselves and them. And they do because they love us. We run it by just the right people, in just the right way, to get just the right answer. As if them agreeing with you somehow makes it ok. Somehow not our fault. But the more you need to spin it, the more you know it’s off. The more you need to justify it, the bigger the clue that it's not a fit for you. And I tell myself it's been a brutal year and I deserve this. A moment of freedom; that it's really not my problem or my fault, or even any of my concern…. You know, how we can justify pretty much anything if we want it enough?
But it's there, the one person you can't really convince; yourself. The disconnect between your actions and who you believe yourself to be, and while we can talk ourselves around it all day, we know. Our justifications shallow.
So when you've called all the people that you know will say just what you want to hear, but you still feel off… Listen to that.
As we go through life we are given all the options, some leading us to our best selves and some bottom shelf. Though what we think and what we feel are profound, it is ultimately how we act that creates who we really are. Moment-to-moment action-by-action we are building ourselves. With each interaction, each word, each decision you are creating who you are, so be intentional.
Let go of the people that pull you in the wrong direction. That tempt you into being less than you really are. O but thank them for the chance to grow. Thank them, but let them go. Those that don't expect greatness from you, those that bring out parts of you you no longer want to be, with only love set yourself free.
Lose the temptations. Choosing who you want to be over what you want in a fleeting moment, you are worth it. When we were training my puppy the trainer said, ‘don't be upset when she does something wrong. It is the only way to teach her what is right’. From all our wrongs we are learning, and to all our teachers thank you. I hope to get quicker at seeing a lesson. ~with love.