Let's Talk About Time
We think we are guaranteed time. As though this life were a given and we are all living into old age. We think this, until we are faced with reality. Kids get sick, youth and young adults are not exempt from running out of time. Time; a concept that somehow dictates our lives yet that we have very little understanding of and so we don't give it the respect it deserves.
Maybe we spend much of our healthy years in the day-to-day grind, thinking somehow creating wealth and the busyness of life is the gold standard. We truly believe that in time we will be different, when we get older it will be different. Rene used to say to me, 'we have our whole lives for that'. As a way to excuse working 16hr days consecutively. I am so thankful I called bullshit. We did have his whole life but it was not the amount of time that we had thought it would be. We didn't get to grow old and retire together, at 40 like he was planning. Ambitious, yes he was.
Two years ago we were in the think of craziness. He was trying to expand a new territory, we were renovating our house, me growing my own business, and looking after our puppy. I went on a yoga retreat and realized what I had always known, that this lifestyle was not for me. While I wanted to travel the world and have a comfortable life, I was not willing to give up our love, our play, and our sweet moments for the dream of 'one day'. You know, the one day? One day I'll take a day off. One day I'll work less, one day I won't have to answer these calls in the middle of dinner. One day I won't be on the computer working till 1:00am and up for work at 6:00am. One day...
I came home and said, baby I love you so much. You need to find a girl that wants an empire so she can get behind you working all the time. That's not me, I want you. I'd have less, to have more of you.
I was ready to give him everything, walk away from the house, and the money, to be true to myself and let him be true to himself. This amazing man working his ass off, but I couldn't be apart of it anymore. I knew there was another way. A way where we could have business and financial success but above all that, have a successful life, a successful love. He took an evening to digest what I had just said. Came to me the next morning and said, no way, we are working this out.
He was a fighter that's for sure.
So we did, we put energy back into the relationship. We got on the same page. Work being important as a means to express that part of ourselves, but no longer the scapegoat for all our issues. We cultivated balance in our lives as a team and as individuals. I am so glad I had the courage to risk it all. I knew either way no matter what happened, we would be better off if I was honest about it, and we were.
Having been together so long, life had just snuck up on us. We started our journey together as teens, no responsibilities and grew into adults, without really noticing. Without conscious corrections. I see it all the time, people just going through the motions, too scared to lose what they have so they won't shed light on the fact that it's not great. That's crazy. This is your life, take the bloody risk. I had to trust that either way, together or not we would be better for living our truths. And did it ever pay off. I got my man back, we got OUR life back.
It hurts me that I have time that he doesn't have, but i will not waste it. I will make my life matter for the both of us. He shaped me, I hear him all the time, he's still guiding me. Where I was weak he would be strong. Now I am strong for the both of us.
Time; give it the respect it deserves.
Here is the wake up call. This is your only guaranteed day. There is so much out of our control, don't waste the power you have. While you are here you can create any life you want. I am not suggesting you live solely for today. I am however suggesting that we be mindful with the use of sentiments like 'we have our whole lives,' as true as that is we have no idea what our whole lifetime is. We may not be as in control of that as we like to think, value this lifetime.
~with love