The Best Years Of Our Life.

Babes, So it is the end of 2015. Sadly this is a year I will never forget. It is a year that won’t get lost in the shuffle of the years as a blur. It won’t be like all the years before where I would ask, when was that again? How long ago was that? Like I would ask you, when were we in the Dominican, or how long have we lived in this house? Weeks, and days would flow into years and the years would blend. I remember most of the moments but the dates not something I recall. Well painfully I will never forget 2015.

It was destine to be memorable. It was destined to be a year we celebrated for the rest of our lives;  the year we married. In that we would have kept count of the years as we celebrated Sept 12th for all the years to come. Instead I will do whatever I do August 16th. As fucked up as it is, it won’t be celebrated but it will be acknowledged. The day this world lost you will be remembered in me forever. I will probably celebrate your birthday with more intensity than I did when you were here. Well, you usually had a birthday week, it might not be as long but the depth of appreciation for your presence in my life will be so much deeper.  I will forever know this year. There is no other year that will hold significance like 2015, the year that started the cascade of worst days of my life.

After the Jay-Z concert years ago I got a picture printed with some lyrics that felt true to me. “May the best year of todays be the worst year of tomorrows.”  Well my love, we had our best years. I will cherish them forever. My hope is one day all those times won’t be overshadowed by August 16th, that one day I will be able to look back and not be caught in the web of your last day.

Time will move me on to 2016, but this is not a beginning for me. The calendar does not dictate my beginnings and ends. Life does. Tomorrow will be the start of a new year but not much will change for me. My world already so greatly shifted that the work I have been doing every single day since will be the same work I am doing tomorrow.

You will be happy to know you inspired my event this evening. I found your Amplified Living note book and we as a collective are going to work on what you were taking from the conference as practices to improve your life. It fit perfectly with what I had already created and I know everyone coming will have a fuller experience in their life because of you. You didn’t write much. I had two full notebooks and you have a small-half of a notebook, but what you wrote is gold… Intentional Living, with a little piece on vulnerability… Just for you.

O sweetheart, today is tough for me. I will be going to see Dave and family later. I am bringing him your poker set. Countless hours you spent playing together, heads up till the early hours of the morning.  He is so much like you, I must see him. Yet, being around your and even our friends hurts me. I always wanted to go in with you, or have you meet me outside first so I could have a minute with just you before all the people. I am going it alone these days, you know how much I must hate that.

Your presence is greatly missed.

Today I took Ollie for a hike and will take her again shortly. We miss you dearly.

Sending you so much love, I will be open to your guidance tonight. Stay close.

Cheers to you babes.

Love you.