Till Death Do Us Part; A Lie?


Till death do us part... Words I was not going to say at my wedding. See more than romantic, I'm practical. I couldn't bring myself to say that. I took marriage seriously, maybe more than most and in that I was in no rush. I wasn't going to make a promise I wasn't sure I could keep. 

I wanted us to live, to really live, and knew that if the day came that we were not best for one another I would take a stand for us; to let our relationship shift and with all the love in the world go our separate ways. So as I wrote my vows I could not include the traditional stance of ‘till death do us part’, I would not say something in that sacred moment that I didn't mean. I would not bend the truth in that ceremony. But see he knew what he was getting into. My heart melted, as he poured his out, nervous and sweating like he thought I might not say yes. In his proposal he asked to spend the rest of his life with me, and offered that we make our ceremony and our marriage exactly what we wanted, make it fit us.   So we did, the wedding day would have been uniquely us. I had written most of my vows and no where in there were the words, till death do us part, because I only wanted to speak the truth.

But here is what I know now. Many of you saying till death do us part, you’re lying ... Maybe not really intentionally, but what you actually mean is until I want out. However, the rest of you, I think are lying too. You will love them far past death do you part .

In it’s painful finality, I have come to believe death is still not enough to part some souls.

Living through the loss of my fiance, I am certain death is not when the commitment and love ends.

Here I was thinking I was being so honest, unwilling to utter those words. Little did I know, married or not, together or not, alive or not; love is forever.   I will be committed to and in love with him; forever. Something I would never have been so bold as to say, until I learnt the hard way. 

I mean I sort of knew it all along. Having loved him since high school, whether we were dating or not (we broke up a lot when we were young…) the love was always there. Sometimes buried, mostly expressed, but always there. Many of you know what that is like, you have people you love, that you will always love. Together or apart they still hold your heart. Yet we fight it, we fight ourselves over it, and sometimes we fight them because of it. 

Our culture is weird about it, like we can only love one person. I don't believe that. I never have, and now more than ever pray I was right. I hope to show this other way. A way where I will hold love for Rene for the rest of my life, and also one day hold true love for another.

I think some souls will always be intertwined. No matter where life takes us, we will leave parts of our hearts with them. To me that isn’t a problem, to love someone you are no longer sharing your life with isn't necessarily a problem. We can hold it all, this and that. What was and what is. Never forget our ability to love is infinite. So, things haven't gone as you thought, you broke up, or got divorced, they walked out, or you did. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to still love them if that is true for you.

To all of us becoming more expansive, more dynamic, more full of depth; be gentle with your heart as it grows. ~with love