To Who Came Before.


As I lay there beside him I found myself overwhelming grateful to everyone who had come before me. To all the girls who had shaped him, for their vulnerability, their honesty, and the time that they had shared together that helped sculpt him into who he is today. I thought about how his Mom must have given him a strong foundation, and how his sisters would have taught him all about girls in only the ways a sister could. About how whoever had been in this place, nuzzled closely in the space between his chest and his arm before me had done a good job. That all that I was experiencing was in someway made possible because of them. Because of her, the global Her. I will never meet her or know her but I appreciated Her for everything she taught him.

See, sometimes we get weird about who was by their side before we were. Who they loved and who loved them. Who they shared parts of their life with. Maybe they were married, maybe they have had many connections or just a few, maybe they have ones they seem to regret, or that challenged them, but make no mistake, if you are charmed with the human they are now, in some way you owe it to all those that came before.

It is nothing to be threatened by, it is nothing to fear. All the love the one you are loving has had has made them this person. This person that you are lucky enough to connect with. And no matter how long your time together lasts it is a precious thing intimacy with another and should be treated as such. 

For me the gratitude to Her was simple, there was no face to her, no name, she was anyone and everyone so I had no jealousy. For some of you the her is almost too real. She is still in his life, maybe as his ex wife. Or the Mom of his babies, or a lover turned best friend that is still very much in his day-to-day,  and you, you have to see her, know her, you have met her and maybe even organize your schedules around hers. Part of me feels for you, that could be a challenge. Still, know this. The man you are loving is the man he is because of Her, all the encounters he has had with all his hers has shaped this beautiful person, so thank her. Quietly in the moments when he just gets something, when he speaks honestly to you, or when he touches you just right, know it just might be something she awakened in him. To whoever showed him it is OK to trust you, to open up to you, how to treat you,  and how to love you, be grateful. Remember it all came from somewhere.

I think some men will fear taking my hand knowing I had a big love. Knowing the reverence and respect I will forever carry for the man that came before them. But they will be missing out, anyone that is comparing themselves to the ones we have loved before doesn't get it. For whatever reason our time with them has come to an end, but we are who we are because of all that once was. A collection of all we have learnt from all those we have loved. It is precious to even just for a moment connect with  someone, and in that moment I thanked all those that had taught him, for I was the lucky recipient of who he is right now, crafted in part by  the time they had spent together.

All his stories, the way he sees the world, the way he is with me, all of it in some way shaped by Her. The global Her, all the hers of his past have co-created this person I am for the moment taken by. And for all the small things that made my heart skip I wondered about Her. I was grateful to her, for she had taught him well, and for a time I was graced with this person. Who through all the heartbreaks and hurts, all the disagreements and fights, all the breakups and makeups of his past had become this. This sweet person. This person holding my heart and my hand. I liked him, and I acknowledged Her for her part in him.

Mindful momentsChelsea Ray