Babes, I know our fairy tale is over for now. That this is all we got, and I am grateful for every moment of our crazy love story.We had a movie worthy journey, but the thing is there is so much left unfinished. This should only be the second act, like the Steve Jobs book that you started in Turks and Caicos and never finished, it feels like we weren't done.
I was looking for a new book this evening. I opened the cabinet and there it was, staring me in the face, that half finished book. I had bought it for you just before we left. You never liked reading but on the beach we had lots of time. You finished half of it, between kayaking to the ship, touring around the island, and making friends with locals. You would mention it from time-to-time, that you were going to finish it. I never thought you would but I liked that you still talked about it all these years later.
There is so much left unfinished. Today Jerry came over and put up the mantle on the kitchen side of the fireplace. It looks so good, but it hurt my heart when he asked how I liked it. It's beautiful and it stings that you won't ever see it. We won't talk about it, we won't make plans for our next project. I just stood there alone and admired it, trying to suppress the bitter ache that I have come to know all too well. I feel a tremendous responsibility to love our place even more now. Since you always took care of the house details I feel like I need to be extra attentive, however as things get done I look around and am sad that you're not here.
I also put up a canvas photo today. It's of us at Heather's place. Part of me thinks I shouldn't put up more pictures of us, but I spent hours looking for one and that was the only one I wanted to use. You were always asking me to put pictures up and I didn't want to till all the renovations were done… Well, they're done. Thank you babes for making our home so perfect for me. You left me with a beautiful safe place; what a gift.
To lose you so abruptly in what feels like the begging of our story, has left me unable to turn the page. So I am stuck in limbo. I can’t believe it has been just over five months. Time is such an odd thing. In some ways it feels like I have been through so much there is no way it has only been five months, and other parts of me feel like it is impossible that I have been without you for five whole months.
Someone asked me the other day, what would it be like if he came back? Babes, could you imagine if you were written back into my story? Wow. We would be somethin else. A love so clear, there would be nothing between us. We did well this time around but we were still in character development, working out who we were. I don't really want to know who I am without you. Chelsea and Rene were the main characters and had been through plenty, they were supposed to live out their days happily ever after.
I know to finish my story, I must evolve on my own. Like all good plots, there has been an immense tragedy and now I am supposed to take that and become something amazing. Well, heaven knows I couldn't do that alone, but lucky for me I have a secret. I have you on my side and I trust you babes. You will make sure my journey is exciting and that I'm taken care of by life, that I fall into the perfect situations. While I am here on my own, I hope you have a hand in writing the rest of my life. With your wicked humour and sleight of hand, I’ll be just fine.
Babes, I am sorry that you had so few pages. It hurts me everyday. But one thing I know; your pages were full of adventure, they weren't spent sitting around reading other people's books, no, you, you brought your pages to life. Thank you for allowing me to be your leading lady.
Till we meet again.
~with all my love.