Wife To Widow.


I had a beautiful white dress bought 8 months before, but that's not what I wore.Instead I wore black, because you were never coming back.

It was supposed to be small and intimate, but instead hundreds of people came; all in your name.

I was supposed to carry flowers, but instead everyone just kept giving them to me.

I would have had my hair just so, that wedding day glow, and was expecting to have my makeup done. Instead I wore none.

I expected we would be the center of attention, but instead it was just me. All eyes on me, looking at me, holding me, hugging me, I heard so little but they kept talking at me; their eyes dripping sympathy.

There were tears and smiles, but not in the ratio we were expecting.

There was laughter and love, but we were smothered in sorrow. 

I couldn't even fathom using the word funeral or wake, so we called it a celebration. But let's be serious most of the smiles in there were fake.

I wore my wedding shoes and wedding rings, only there was no veil, there were no toasts, and there was no confetti. Instead of reciting my vows to you,  and you yours to me, I believe what I gave was more of a eulogy.

For one year we had been planning, but really we had been fighting for a forever together since you were kissing me up against the lockers.

21 days before our ‘big day’ so many of us stood in honor of your life. In its entirety. Complete at 29.

You were supposed to be by my side, but instead you died.

Wedding to wake. Wife to widow.