Please, Can We Talk?

Babes, Rene, my love, where are you? I wish you could comeback. Even if just for a visit, I'd take that. I really miss you. Miss, it doesn’t properly describes what this is. I miss my parents, but they are in the states and I still talk to them. I miss Heather and the kids, but I talk to them whenever I want and see them often, I am going this weekend. I'll give them extra love from you. I miss a lot of things but what I feel for you, God, there are no words. I’ll use miss, but know it is the deepest kind of missing I have ever experienced.

I miss my best friend. My person, the one that stood by my side through it all. From when were were just kids through to adults. Yes I miss you in all the ways, everything you were to me and allowed me to be for you, but right now I miss my best friend. A friend that I had for so long. That knew almost everything about me, from all the years you spent by my side. Some of it you pulled out of me and some I shared freely.

This kind of intimacy that only happens from time together. From all the early mornings we spent together before school, since I got there an hour early and you'd come early just to hangout with me. To all the long drives going nowhere just to talk, to all the time on the phone since you lived so far away in high school. I wish we could ‘watch’ one more movie together, or take one more walk with Ollie. Have one more hot chocolate date, like we did when we were younger.

You were there for it all,  my best times and my worst. This is the worst experience of my life and I could really use my best friend. You, the person that made me feel so safe, comfortable enough to just be upset. Although in true Rene style you would usually start to say something like, ‘why don’t you try...’, or ‘you should just….’ Haha babes. I was rarely upset, but from time-to-time when it all felt like too much, you knew all I really needed from you was for you to shut up and hold me close.

I long to hold your hand, always warmer than mine. To see you smile, it lit a spark in me. I wish I could hug you, and feel you pull me in so strong 'till there was no space between us. I would hold you so tight. Knowing you would have to leave I would hold you so much closer. I never thought you would leave me. Never ever did I think it would be like this, not this kind of leave. This kind of leave is insurmountable, this kind of never going to hear your sexy voice or touch your beautiful face, this kind of gone is all too much.

I still can't really understand how you can just be gone. Just gone? Not like far away but I can still call you when I need you. Sometimes I would have to call many times 'cause you'd sleep through your phone ringing, but you'd eventually wake up or at least you'd call me back. 

I could use a chat. Babes, I could really use a chat. I have so much to say and nothing to say. What do you say in a time like this? You'd hear me cry and that would make you sad, I bet if I could talk to you now you'd cry too. I rarely saw that. But you cried over the thought of us not being together so, I think this would make you cry. I would take it, in a heartbeat I would take the chance to be with you. Come get me!

Rene, I really love you. I really miss you.

Sending you love